Are you sitting down, good. I have always kind of hated my birth story. I felt like my body betrayed me. I kept thinking “why”…
Throughout my pregnancy I had only one birth plan in mind, I wanted a natural birth, no drugs, especially no epidural! At each check up appointment with my OBGYN, everything was on track, he was measuring great, his heart rate was perfect and I was healthy.
Well, when my due date came and passed, with terrible braxton hicks contractions, swollen feet and intense craving for McDonald’s fries, I wondered if I was going to go into labor. I was walking around with a .5cm dilation for weeks before finally, the day before being induced, I went up to 2cm dilated at my 40 week and 4 day check up. Finally, progress! They anticipated for my baby to be 7lbs and 6oz…game time!
Induction day, what a day. I had my last McDonalds fry and we headed to the hospital. We arrived at our 7pm schedule time and then the wait began. The most stressful exciting wait, the final wait, we were so excited to finally meet our little boy. Obviously we knew that he wasn’t coming that night, but little did we know what was in store for us.
The next day, 7am, 12 hours on pitocin with barely any dilation progress and contractions kicking my ass. When the doctor broke my bag we found out that the babes had pooped inside me! Don’t worry, it’s totally common for overdue babies, phew! A few more hours in the dark room, only allowed to drink water, my poor body needed a break. I caved, as my nurse kept suggesting I get the epidural to ease my pain, I got it.
After many tears of failure, it was done. I felt great…for a minute…then out of no where the most intense pain ever, a “hot spot” on my left ovary. The pain was comparable to someone taking a hammer to it every 10 seconds. Why is this happening? So not only did the epidural not work, now i’m in more pain then before. So attempt number 2, this time it worked, sort of. When they were checking my dilation, still no where close to where I needed to be, the catheter moved. Every contraction I could feel the catheter scraping against my bladder. Seriously, not again! I was left in more pain once more. Not only was I in immense pain, the doctor told me my babies head was swelling. WHAT DO YOU MEAN SWELLING? I was already an emotional wreck with so much anxiety, my mind took me to a very dark place.
3pm, I was told I might need an emergency c-section. WAIT WHAT? Around 4pm they where about to wheel me off to only be escorted back to the room because someone else went in with I guess a bigger emergency then me. All I could think about is what did I do wrong? It’s all my fault! I was in so much pain. I remember vividly being so thirsty because they cut me off water since around noon just in case.
C-section. I was having an emergency C-section. My body failed me. I only dilated to 7cm while on pitocin for almost 24hrs. They wheeled me away, while my husband stayed behind. I was so scared. I couldn’t feel my body, I was so drained and barely with it. How can I have my baby when I am not feeling myself. When my husband came to the surgery room he held my hand and didn’t let go. Heres the part that still brings major emotions to me. While they were operating, the doctor said and I quote “he’s not going to make it” EXCUSE ME! I looked at my husband and lost it. I blamed myself, It was my fault. I should have took my prenatal vitamins. I shouldn’t have had so many french fries. Its my fault! Its my fault! Its my fault! I could see the horror in my husband eyes while he tried his best to comfort me. Then all the sudden, we heard him cry. HE MADE IT, HE’S HERE. They showed him to us over the divider and I felt whole. The nurses took him and my husband let my hand go and met our son. Parker was born 6:21pm on July 13th 2017 weighing 9lbs 1oz and measuring 21 inches long.
We were finally a family.
I have come to terms with my labor and delivery of my precious baby boy. It was not the birth I wanted, but it was the safest option and that’s all that matters. I still gave birth, my body did not fail me. This was the safest and only way. Although my story is horrifying and quite traumatic, I am happy with it.