2019 Reflection

Woohoo happy 2020 everyone! Another decade down.

A lot has happened this year, the birth of my daughter in February, I got a part-time job-like for a moment, and my son turned two in July. Umm, some weird events of 2019 is that it snowed, like i’m talking over 5 inches of fresh powder on Halloween and was warm on Christmas, WHAT! We celebrated almost all of babies firsts and the biggest obstacle of 2019 was that I finally felt strong enough to admit to my family and I am now comfortable with sharing it here, that I am suffering from some pretty intense depression and anxiety.

So the birth of my daughter topped off 2019 in so many ways. One: because she finally made it earth side, yay! Two: she was in the NICU and that was its own experience that was both eye opening and magical. NICU nurses and doctors are truly angels on Earth. I wrote about her birth in a separate post, so if you want to know a little more information, please check that out here.

2019 was also probably the hardest year of my life. I have been secretly suffering from some major depression coupled with ptsd and anxiety about germs from my NICU experience really defeated me. It is hard to admit that you have a problem. For me, I did not want to be judged because I know I am lucky, I know I have it all (all that I ever wanted), so why the f am I depressed? That is the question I don’t need people asking themselves when they look at me. But I was and I am and I am going to take steps to fix that, because I am so much more worthier that I think.

2019 flew by. I blinked and it was all the holidays and bam, here we are today, January 13th 2020. I turned 28 on the 10th, and honestly thats crazy to me because I have accomplished so much but I also feel like an old fart.

2019 showed me courage. London did not latch well at all and I became a pumping mom. I was so distraught, but also felt so empowered to make sure I can still give her what my body is making…in some way. Pumping was the answer. All day! All night! I don’t know how I did it earlier on, now it’s a bit easier, but it’s tough. My journey is almost to an end and my supply is not what it used to be, but I am thankful for what my body has done and is still doing.

2019 had so many ups and downs, but the year ended on a great note, way better then when it started. My husband is amazing and has supported me through some really dark times, I seriously don’t deserve him because that man has some true patience. My kids cried a lot, but laughed way more. We ate a lot of pizza and drank a lot of egg nog and I watched a lot of Netflix. Our love grew so much more and I cannot wait to see what this year had in store for us.

So, “Hi 2020, how are ya?” I’m here, i’m ready! Let’s do this!

Published by

Rachel Nardi-Brettman

Rachel is a wife and mother of two who lives in the suburbs of Chicago, Illinois. She gave up her job in the corporate world to be a stay at home mom full time and raise her family. Some of her hobbies and passions include baking, gardening, and all things DIY. Rachel was diagnosed with Celiac Disease when she was 21. She loves to share gluten free baking tips and recipes for others who suffer from similar allergies. She started blogging when her son, Parker, was born. Her daughter, London, was born with some complications and had a brief visit to the NICU. Some of the topics she enjoys writing about include the difficulties of having 2 kids under 2, the stress and effects the NICU has on mothers, and the ups and downs of her breastfeeding journey.

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