2019 Reflection

Woohoo happy 2020 everyone! Another decade down.

A lot has happened this year, the birth of my daughter in February, I got a part-time job-like for a moment, and my son turned two in July. Umm, some weird events of 2019 is that it snowed, like i’m talking over 5 inches of fresh powder on Halloween and was warm on Christmas, WHAT! We celebrated almost all of babies firsts and the biggest obstacle of 2019 was that I finally felt strong enough to admit to my family and I am now comfortable with sharing it here, that I am suffering from some pretty intense depression and anxiety.

So the birth of my daughter topped off 2019 in so many ways. One: because she finally made it earth side, yay! Two: she was in the NICU and that was its own experience that was both eye opening and magical. NICU nurses and doctors are truly angels on Earth. I wrote about her birth in a separate post, so if you want to know a little more information, please check that out here.

2019 was also probably the hardest year of my life. I have been secretly suffering from some major depression coupled with ptsd and anxiety about germs from my NICU experience really defeated me. It is hard to admit that you have a problem. For me, I did not want to be judged because I know I am lucky, I know I have it all (all that I ever wanted), so why the f am I depressed? That is the question I don’t need people asking themselves when they look at me. But I was and I am and I am going to take steps to fix that, because I am so much more worthier that I think.

2019 flew by. I blinked and it was all the holidays and bam, here we are today, January 13th 2020. I turned 28 on the 10th, and honestly thats crazy to me because I have accomplished so much but I also feel like an old fart.

2019 showed me courage. London did not latch well at all and I became a pumping mom. I was so distraught, but also felt so empowered to make sure I can still give her what my body is making…in some way. Pumping was the answer. All day! All night! I don’t know how I did it earlier on, now it’s a bit easier, but it’s tough. My journey is almost to an end and my supply is not what it used to be, but I am thankful for what my body has done and is still doing.

2019 had so many ups and downs, but the year ended on a great note, way better then when it started. My husband is amazing and has supported me through some really dark times, I seriously don’t deserve him because that man has some true patience. My kids cried a lot, but laughed way more. We ate a lot of pizza and drank a lot of egg nog and I watched a lot of Netflix. Our love grew so much more and I cannot wait to see what this year had in store for us.

So, “Hi 2020, how are ya?” I’m here, i’m ready! Let’s do this!

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